Crazy Little Thing...

Mood- unsure
Strib Nicht Vor Mir- Rammstein

ola! it's been a few days
why?
im a lazy mother fucker thats why =]
but really,
I've been so out of it as of late I don't know what the hell is wrong with me
maybe it was my lack of coffee, today was my first cup in 4 days
maybe its something else
i dont know
i feel like ripping my hair out
i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me
i wanna sing, like in a band
but I haven't sung since I was young and I don't know if I still can
and my brain is everywhere so this is going to be by far the worst blog entry ever because it's everywhere and no where at he same time
whoo for scatter brains

I need inspiration
I've been lacking it lately
I can't even find it in myself to take pictures or even finish the painting I started
I've been drawing tho and writing a lot
ugh I need some serious help
who knows when the next time I write will be
I miss being myself, laughing for no reason
drinking coffee like a maniac
smiling like a bafoon
I miss having the most random shit to say
I FUCKING MISS BEING MYSELF

anyone have any ideas WTF is wrong with me?
I'm desperate

conclusions

Mood annoyed
Music Bleed Well- HIM

Hey all,
well I still don't know if anyone actually reads my mindless ramblings but eh, it's a good way to vent and maybe get some much needed advice.

Today I came to a conclusion
I have become a hermit
seriously!
I hardly ever go out anymore and when I do it's only with Agz and rarely sarah anymore.
I don't like most people my age
especially those freaking preppy girls *shudders*
When I'm home I stay in another room by myself, reading or on my lap top or drawing and painting
and you know what else
It doesn't bother me
I'm content with my life at the moment
my father isn't, but hey you win some you lose some
although I do need a job like badly
I need to help pay tuition for September cause its only fair
and I need out of Canada next summer!
I just want to leave this godforsaken place
I can't wait till I'm all done school and I can maybe get a job over seas or in the US
I love Canada but I'm bored of it
wow reading back on this it's pretty boring. HA
oh well
ANYWAYS
Remember back when you were in school and people would talk about you?
point out your mistakes, your flaws and really, just pick you apart?
well I do.
And even though I'm finished my own personal hell of elementary school (which for me was far worse than high school) and High School its like I'm still there in a sense accept I think this is worse.
My parents.
yes thats right
my very own parents do it on a daily basis.
Sometimes while I'm in the goddamn room!.
I mean I love them and I know they love me but WHAT THE FUCK?!
everyday I'm compared and contrasted to my other family members or just people who are 'better' than me. It makes me sick.
and as happy as I am that can really tear a girl up inside
well I'm bored now and LA ink is on soon
and of course I have a need for coffee so I'm off to make some
hmm pancakes sound good to.
=]

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not